just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
