I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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