ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
