If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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