I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
