i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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