My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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