I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
