I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
