Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
