He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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