I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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