I look better un-naked...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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