My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
