She is in my trunk
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
