guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
