a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
