I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My vagina just recognized that song.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
