Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
