Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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