All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All the doctor said was why
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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