my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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