the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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