oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
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Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
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I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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