I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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