dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
