Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
