im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
