i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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