i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
