If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
