what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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