Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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