chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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