Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
