Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
