So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
