she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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