The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
