Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
