it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
