Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
