your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
