Midget sex pt 2 tonight
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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