I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
