Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
