shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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