Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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