we're blogging at a bar
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
