I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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