I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
