A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
