I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
