I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
