Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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