Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
