You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
