i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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