Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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