Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
