with your own penis?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
