It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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