The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
