i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize