I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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