woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
