once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
