you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
