I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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