Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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