We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
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I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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