Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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