I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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