he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
